Connect With Each Other's Top Worry

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Why Worries Can Cause an Invisible Rift in Your Marriage

Worry can easily take over your mind and your heart.

Even the most uplifting message to Trust instead of Worry will hit its limit.

But unfortunately most couples don't know how to process their respective worries together.

This can cause a slow rift to build.

Or it can reach a tipping point which divides your marriage.

Read more to find out how to face worries together.

But first...what happens if you don't know how to support each other when they have worries?

Cautionary Tale

I had several worries about a work situation.

After the first few attempts to connect with my wife over the issue and failing due to, what I felt, was a harsh tone, I ended up going into my own thought silos.

I would worry alone and spin in an endless loop.

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Once in a while my wife would see that I was sitting, pondering what to do.

But because she didn't know what to do, she shamed me because it was taking so long to solve it.

This created a rift.

I felt I needed her input because it involved employment law, her specialty.

But my act of worrying aggravated her, which pushed me away.

I decided to act rashly on my own because the pressure of doing nothing bothered me so much.

And our life spiraled downward afterwards.

What Happened and How Could It Impact Your Marriage?

Getting stuck for over seven months in a spinning cycle of worry, alone, was hard.

Yes, I did pray and read Scripture. And at times I began to see some light.

I'd would share how these went with my wife but these didn't spark what I call The Positive Spiral which can be a powerful mechanism in a marriage.

So I felt I needed to solve it all by myself. There wasn't an option.

I sought out advice from an Elder, who gave bad advice.

While our primary source of comfort and counsel should be the Holy Spirit, I wasn't fully in it. That's my fault. And now it's something I am seeking to address for myself and our entire family.

But part of being in a marriage is to help face the challenges and joys of life together. Worries are one of them.

So let's look at how a healthy habit of connecting with each other's worry helps you to invite the Peace of God into your marriage.

How to share and how to connect

Each one come to each other with your top worry. Describe what is the facts of the situation.

Then describe your feelings and your fears in response to the situation.

IF you make it about the other person, it will be hard. Focus on the nature of the situation.

As each one of you hears the worry, take time to connect with that worry.

Do not dimiss it.

When I did share a worry during this trying time, my wife would snap "That's in every job." End of topic.

Don't say anything till you get to a place of compassion for your spouse.

Worry deep down comes from a fear. Can you connect with the source of fear, even if you think it is unwarranted?

It might be. Or it might actually be warranted and you aren't taking the steps to get there.

It's often unspoken, but an underlying source of Christ's compassion for us is he knows all of humanity has a fear of God's wrath (even if we don't acknowledge it). Those who do receive his mercy and compassion.

Ask: "How can I help you?"

They may not know. They may want advice you can't give.

Take Action During Your Devotional

  1. Connect over how they are feeling (especially their fear)
  2. Restrain from solving or dismissing
  3. Empathize - really imagine yourself in the same situation and worrying
  4. Be curious about the situation
  5. Ask permission to ask questions to clarify
  6. Show compassion - a desire for repair

Got Questions? Ask Here:

Why Worries Can Cause an Invisible Rift in Your Marriage

Worry can easily take over your mind and your heart.

Sadly, most couples don't know how to process their respective worries together.

— TheMarriageHabit (@marriagehabit) March 28, 2023

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Connect With Each Other's Top Worry
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